Growing up, I was aware that my Dad was different. He had a powerful energy about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Several of my friends stated that my Dad had a great aura or amazing energy that you could sense when he entered the room, and one of my friends even said my Dad was like the Dalai Lama (The highest spiritual leader and head of Tibetan Buddhism.)
I used to hide the fact that my Dad never had the opportunity to go to school. I tried to protect him and myself because of what other people might think. I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself that I thought that way. The fact is, Dad never cared what others thought of him, but how he saw himself. His life philosophy was much greater than I could imagine.
While sipping our coffee at Dad’s favourite café in a garden centre, enjoying the natural beauty around us:
Dad: You know, life can be simple and joyful if you want it to be.
Me: ...I'm listening (sipping my coffee).
Dad: There is a saying "The greatest gift a man can have in this life is a contented mind; contentedness is happiness. (知足常樂)”
Me: Okay…
Dad: Look around, there are so many different types of flowers and trees. So many distinct colours and scents. It's a blessing that we can enjoy our coffee in such beautiful surroundings. When you are content and appreciate what you've got and where you are in life, you can always find happiness.
Me: (Looking around, admiring all the beautiful nature around us)
Dad: Throughout all these years of working, I've met a lot of people and seen a lot of things. Money is very useful because it makes life easier, takes you places, and enables you to enjoy many experiences. But money can't buy happiness; happiness comes down to your own mindset.
Me: I understand what you mean; money is important as we can't live without it, but certainly money doesn't always fill your heart. Sometimes the pressures of today's fast-paced capitalistic world can be overwhelming.
Dad: Some people are always worried about how others see them and feel the need to act like someone they are not, constantly chasing the next best thing. To me, it's exhausting to live like that.
I don't need to dine at a five-star restaurant, have the biggest house, or have the shiniest cars to be happy. I am who I am. I am content just enjoying my coffee surrounded by this beautiful nature. When you are content, your heart is full. When your heart is full, you feel blessed and happy from within. They go hand in hand.
Me: We need more people like you in this world, Dad.
Dad: You know, it all comes down to perspective and how you view yourself. I remember knowing a guy who had several restaurants when I was younger. He was very wealthy. I remember he was such a nice man too. Something happened to the business, and he had lost a significant amount of money. Even though he still had plenty of money compared to many people, he committed suicide because he couldn't face the reality of feeling like a failure and feared what others may have thought of him.
Me: Oh my, that is so sad…
Dad: It's a mental trap that people can't get out of. The mental trap of how others may perceive you is a total waste of time and energy. We all have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We are all equal, no one has more or less. Why do we want others to approve of us so that we may feel worthy of ourselves? It doesn't make sense. To be honest, everyone is just concerned about their own life and their issues.
Life has its ups and downs, even banks close their doors from time to time. When life offers you a lemon, make lemonade. When you fall, stand up and brush it off; learn from your mistakes and do better the next time.
Expand your vision and challenge yourself to learn. You're responsible for your path. Do the right thing that your heart and your conscience leads you to.
Success is not determined by how much money you make or the admiration you receive from others. To me, success is defined by one's strength, resilience, and integrity to do the right thing. Even if you experience certain setbacks or crises, you have the inner power to overcome and face life again. And this time, you’re stronger and wiser.
(This post is an excerpt from my book
Conversations With Dad Pages 34–37)
